Pacheco Parables

Today's entertainment comes from a guest writer. He is a very dear person to me. May I introduce my Pops and his Pacheco Parables! Read and enjoy.

Approaching 152 (Pacheco Pass highway) from Leavesley Road, as Ialways do, there's a sign that says "Expect delays on 152 Westbound."There's no warning about 152 Eastbound because that situation is too horrible to contemplate.

As I got on 152, I began to wish I were a cowboy. That's because the cows walking along the side of the road were going faster than I was. I had put the top down when I got off 101 because I figured it would be pleasant when driving more slowly than on the freeway. I didn'trealize I should have put the whole car down instead and simply walked.

Did you know that eucalyptus trees on the side of 152 have an averageof 23 peels each on the main trunk? I counted them. Twice.

I decided that no cop could give a speeding ticket on that road, so Iwould help them out. I got out my marker and changed the "Maximum speed 55" sign to "Maximum speed 5.5". Five minutes later, I decided that wouldn't help. I got out again, crossed out the decimal I had added and changed the sign to "Maximum speed .55". That might give the cops a fighting chance.

How slow was the traffic? A race between cars and banana slugs onthat road would be won by the slugs, hands down. Wait. Slugs have no hands. But they'd win anyway.

How slow was the traffic? Slow enough that I could think up all these bad jokes. And write them down.